


Angel

by daystiny6



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Sad Ending, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27468487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daystiny6/pseuds/daystiny6
Summary: Jeonghan was terminally ill, and seungcheol sees him for the last time. This story contains death and sad stuff that makes me cry writing this. Advise: Listen to a sad song :)
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Angel

"listen to me. I love you with all my heart. it's okay if you want to let go, it's your choice." seungcheol sat beside jeonghan's bed as he spoke to him, but he knows that those questions and complains won't be answered. he just loved the feeling of being in jeonghan's presence, and that is all he needed to cheer himself up. "it's been almost nine hours since I'm here, but I didn't even get to touch my phone. instead, I rested beside you. trust me, I'll live better if you're peaceful. I love you, I love you, I love you. there's nothing I would trade for you. listen to your heart as well, you always know what's best, right?" the older whispered as tears roll down his face, his lips forming a small smile of hope.

his warm hands took jeonghan's, which are suprisingly warm unlike the usual cold that he would always felt. "jeonghan? remember when we went to the park? you took my hands for the first time. yours is as cold as winter, I would always feel the cold everytime I went out to the winter morning. I would always remember you then. I would always smile remembering what a beautiful and pure being you are. you might not remember how you pass out when it's too cold in the hospital room? I hugged you because I felt hopeless. my heart is beating way too fast for my liking. I hate it when my heart beats really fast; I thought about how it's going to explode if it keeps beating that way. but I found out that it's because of you. it's because of you that my heart beats so fast."

he went on a trip to the past a thousand times, remembering every single moment he had with a beautiful angel rested beside him.

"I was just looking at your face last week, seeing that your face has gone pale. you're pale face looks like one of an angel. you waking up makes me a hundred thousand billion times more happy than the usual smile. you're the reason that I lift myself from the ground. I was weak, jeonghan. I know that I couldn't live without my mother. I love her so much, when she died I wish I would too. I wanted to kill myself, hannie. I never even called you hannie. I never said my dear. I never said love. all I said is jeonghan. there wasn't any calling I gave you. but you gave me a whole lot, cheollie, seungie, my little pot of sweet honey, oh god I can't say all of them. I'm upset that couldn't do a lot of things for you, love. I'm sorry for everything. I don't deserve you right? all I did was stare at you and look into your sparkling eyes. I wish I could see them now. brown, sparkly, heavenly eyes that look thousands of stars in the everlasting, never ending sky. I should've brought you to that ice cream shop. you always anticipate. I wish I knew sooner that you love green tea ice cream."

"you know what I love. you know what's my favorite flavour of ice cream. you know what I have. wait, I have very thing I ever want, but what about you? you own nothing. just a room in a hospital, a hospital gown, and sadness. but you manage together through all that. you went through everything that seemed impossible to me. you're a great person. a great, loving, humble person that knows me more than myself. I'm sorry my dear. my love. my sugar to a bitter coffee. a rainbow after the storm. the crayons to a blank paper. you mean everything to me, and I love you. please wake up, I want to travel around the world with you. we'll go to jeju, right? we'll see the beach instead of the same seoul. right, jeonghan? please wake up, I miss you tons."

his eyes tore away from jeonghan's face towards the window. the window where he would always stare at as he's talking to seungcheol.

"stay here in my heart, hannie." the soft beating heart lingered in the room. "I know you're here, still. we'll do everything together. everything, I tell you. I would see you everyday in your house and give you a small kiss as I push you on a wheelchair as you laugh and we'll have a good talk." seungcheol caressed the younger boy's soft brown hair that got hit by the sun that is slowing rising up to the skies. "you're still listening to my blabbering? I hope you still are. I'll still do until your eyes open again, then you would respond to me. I would listen to all your complains, I promise. I would still hold your hands. your cold hands will get warm when I come in the room, so does your smile. I wish I get to kiss you while your heart still beats. I love you, please don't go now, I loved more than anything the world. stay with me, it hurts living without someone that could always smile seeing me come home from work. I would always see you in my eyes, right?"

"hannie..." stop.

what's happening? hannie... dont you mess with me like that.

no heartbeat? 

"hannie? hannie? you're still with me, right?"

no answer.

"hannie ah, don't mess with me like this. I know it's april, but you should scare me like that." it's morning, and the sun is fully awake. people should be bustling around right now. seungcheol could hear the soft noises of people greeting a good morning to patients and nurses walking around. his eyes still shook in fear of losing the only person that brought color to his black and white life. "wake up, dear. it's morning already."

still. stiff. stay.

"jeonghan? please..." the boy checked his chest to hear anything. nothing. touching his face makes him break down to tears again. "you can't leave me like this."

his eyes aren't opening anymore. "my love, we are still doing tons of things. we have a lot more to go."

beep...

"JEONGHAN!"

drip.

drip.

drip.

three tears fell down the cold hospital floor. he lost someone again. "I love you. I love you, my beautiful jeonghan. I'm sorry."

you did a good job. you worked hard. you fought. well done, my jeonghan. I just hope... I just hope... we'll see each other again. please tell me you're happy. please tell me that youre out of your pain now. you can stop thing about your sore throat that never ceases to leave. you can stop thinking about your family. but please never forget who I am. I might seem like a bad person, but please, please. I want you to live happily, because now you're an angel now. you're an angel that got up to fly to the sky. I hope your happy. I hope your pain leaves you. stop worrying about yourself now, my dear. remember that you're free, like a bird. stop worrying about not getting green tea ice cream, I guess. heh. I wish I got you one when you're still here. don't worry, I promise that I would remember you always. I would never anyway. I'll still live for you. I'll tell stories to many people about who you are, a survivor. I'll tell many people about your struggle. I'll get better over time, you know. I use to be so lost in your eyes. but now I'll be lost looking to the skies, because I know you're one of the shining star, looking at me from above. I hope that I'll see you. thank you, thank you, thank you for everything, my love...

everything went silent. his eyes couldnt open up anymore. he just wished that he can go back to the past, listen to all the beautiful voices of his loved ones. he didnt lost one, but two. two beautiful angels that lifted themselves to the sky. 

"I don't want to talk now, soonyoung. look, i- did you just say something? I'll beat your ass if you dont- please, for the last time I tell you- alright fine. do it your way. whatever. mhm." he turned the call off and put his head back to the seat his brown highlighted hair flew back as well, his eyes closed and his cold winter jacket covering his body for warmth.

he closed his shop after knowing that the loansharks are coming for him. he became a manager instead. I know it's a little bit of hard to be one in a high rank, but he tried. he tried to get up from his feet, knowing that he needed to live in the real world as well. soonyoung helped him, which is a plus since he needed a friend to help with his wierd antics and emotions that usually come often. but only as a part timer is his secretary, which became a never mind because he didn't get enough to get by. it isn't easy become one of the employees in the same entertainment as seungcheol did, which caused them to find each other rarely since seungcheol needed to take care of the new group the company just released, and the choreographer, mr. kim for the group is busy with the other groups because the CEO would see kim as the best one and only one. sometimes kim and him would have to take control. soonyoung works only as the cameraman for some of their shows.

his life is going well, as of now. what's he doing now except for taking care of ten total crackheads. at least he got paid enough.

going well you say? no, he still grieves.

he still waited for jeonghan to answer him back. it's been three years, should he forget? he should. but he would always wake up in the morning thinking that jeonghan is right next to him. he wishes only. in his dreams, he would always see a very happy jeonghan taking him around, eating green tea ice cream and walking in parks. walking. he always imagined jeonghan on a wheelchair, eyes looking heavy and with a large lump on his throat which always looked so painful.

he knew that he is not supposed to grieve for the younger. he should be happy for him, but he would always cry. letting all those tears out. yes, he does visit the cemetery a lot, probably more than four times a week. even the group that he has to manage followed him. they respected himself and thought of seungcheol as a friend.

"mister choi?" one of them asked. "what is it, jaewoo?"

"are we going to mister yoon?" they would always follow and how to him, as any desired kid should be.

"I'll go alone. please take care of the members, you all worked hard for this comeback. I'll get kimchi rice when I get to your apartment, run there for now." he smiled as he patted the leader's head as they ran off.  
...

"hannie? I hope you're doing fine. it's your birthday today, don't you remember?" he asked, smiling as his eyes looked at the tombstone. "I never get to buy you something, or anything. I'm sorry for that. but I still remember how you wanted some roses the color of white. I wish I could still see your smile today."

seungcheol couldn't look down anymore. he knows that when he does it gets blurry. that's because of his tears that are ready to fall. he took his cold hand away from his jacket pocket and wipe it of his red face. "it's really cold in here. I couldn't hold your hand, that'll be scary." I can't light up the mood well, huh.

he looked up to the same winter sky. it's an october. fourth of october. he didn't know how winter can come so early, but dismissed that thought. he looked at the stone again.

Yoon Jeonghan  
October 4, 1995  
\------- --, 2---

he lived awhile. jeonghan is as old as him, but younger. just by a few months. seungcheol realised what a precious life he is living. it's sad and awful like drinking medicine but everything is going to be fine in the end. everything will be set back to place. no one will remember him or jeonghan or anyone anymore in the future that will come. but he will always be sure that the people around him know of his love towards a past someone. he would always come back here to question everything. he would always come back to see jeonghan and bring him the freshest roses that he could ever find, wrap with a string and place it on the ground. 

"jeonghan. yoon jeonghan." that's the name. yoon jeonghan. I would tell him my name but that seemed impossible, even at my state now.

he looked at the boy till sitting on the wheelchair like he always do. "I want ice cream even if it's bad for my throat. I heard that it is. I looked up an ice cream shop and they say that their specialty is green tea and cookies. I would love to see green ice cream. never seen one before."

"I'm scared. I'm scared that the ghosts are coming for me. you know that I hate ghosts cheollie!"

"you have no idea how I'm still alive today. my parents hate me."

"I hope I get through all of this, go through your sadness. don't worry, I'm here. you don't have to worry about tomorrow."

I love you.

I love your smile.

I love your weird antics.

I love the way you always laugh at everything.

I love you from the moon and back.

I want you to always to be happy, but I know there should be something sacrificed.

I want you to know that I am thankful to have shared a heart with you.

I want you to see me tomorrow and always.

but there is no tomorrow.

because I couldn't be protected by anymore. you're already in the sky with your wings to bring you up.

it's okay jeonghan. ill see you. just one day.

one day.

...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first time writing on ao3 so if you don't mind, leave some comments and kudos. Thank you again.


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